Quitpaxil : teen corner

This area has been set aside for younger users of Paxil who are experiencing withdrawal issues. It is a relatively recent addition and will, hopefully, grow over time .

I HATE PAXIL! that stupid pink pill has basically been ruining my life for about 8 months now. and i have been off of it for 3 days and its a living hell. i cant do anything, im too dizzy and sick feeling all the time and i get so pissed off and everyone and everything and my heart races like its going to jump out of my chest and i CRY ALL the time. this better go away fast or i dont know what i am going to do! im going out of my mind though and i need help. but i refuse to go to my doctor because they fucking dont know what they're doing putting teenagers or actually anyone on pills.

Over the past 2 months, your site has been a great help to me. Paxil is hell. I was wondering if you could forward me some success stories from teenagers or maybe make a teens section. I've been on Paxil since I was 15 and I'm trying to quit now at 19 and the emotional effects are devastating. Most of the stories I see are from people (mostly women) in their 40s. I am curious about the effects on teenagers. Hopefully I will have a story for your success section soon, but right now, I feel like this hell will never end.

For the good part of a year, I had lived life so differenty from how I grew up. I was so up, up to the point that I was talking loudly, and living life as if I was racing down a highway in the fast lane and nothing was stopping me. I was FINALLY living a life where I could wake up in the morning and not have the first feeling I felt be the one known as depression. This was something that never became a part of my daily life feelings until Paxil.

I had not realized how shifty I had become not being on my medication. "...Woah.." I thought to myself recently after talking to my family and friends about the difference they had noticed since mid-summer with the withdrawl symptoms. The frustration from my body craving it, and having these feelings back that I had not been exposed to continuously for months was like being reborn.

Paxil eventually controls and manipulates the way that you think. It's a drug to help things such as anxiety disorders, depression and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). When you go from living down for years and you're introduced to a pink pill that helps the chemical imbalance in your brain, you think to yourself, "This is what it's like being alive and happy? I really was missing out." You become so optimistically pleased with things around you that you are completely oblivious that you are taking something for granted. You're not leading your own life, Paxil is, but you're tasting something that you've always wanted to experience.

I lived like a black and white TV until I came off Paxil. Think of the TV being low maintenance, because that's pretty much the way I always have been. In a way, adding in some new channels (Paxil) was new and exciting. You're joyful, estatic, and the feeling is awesome when you get something new is it not? Paxil didn't just give me new channels(happiness), but it started becoming the power source that ran my "TV" (my life), and it powered me until I decided to try living without it.

The reception became fuzzier (withdrawl) and the channels were becoming worse as the power source controlling everything was slowly being cut off. My "TV" was losing it's abilities. You get mad when channels get fuzzy and things don't work well with a real TV right? In my case I was getting frustrated because I wasn't working the same anymore either. Did I recognize what was happening? In all honesty, no.

Finally, I took my last pill. So I guess you could say that the "TV" was now turned off because the Paxil that acted as the power supply to controlling how I worked was completely gone. It was no longer a part of "Me", and I was different without it.

It was like a new year revolution starting, taking steps to improving something for yourself, something that I was doing so great at, so I thought. Paxil gave me something that acted like tree bark because I felt protected, and nothing could harm me, but things changed coming off of Paxil. Once I had finally gotten off of my meds, I had shrunk in size to a feable twig on that tree. And you never realize when twigs/branches can "snap" do you? I was unaware of my size, because I thought everything was fine. My sensitivity to people trying to talk to me had become shamefully weak, even irritating, and I have snapped from my tree.

It was like storms were coming in on me all the time, and a new "TV" was thrown at me and turned on in colour. Everything was new, and it scared me to the point that I've cried, shaken and have had nightmares. You've heard of heroine addicts, or chronic marijuana users getting back to a life without drugs and how they need to re-adjust. It feels pretty much the same, except my drug was legal. 20mg doesn't sound like a lot but if I didn't take it every day, I felt dizzy from not taking it(everyone has different body chemistry too). How's that for personal addiction?

When something would bother me after being completely off of my medication, it would feel like an atomic bomb was being dropped on me. Some people don't understand what severe anxiety attacks feel like, so I tell them this scenerio:

Take those estatic feelings you used to get when you were waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve when you were six years old. Were you not so excited that you could not sleep? That excitement caused your blood to flow faster and faster into your pulsating heart did it not? Pretty intense if you stop and think of how that rush felt flowing through your body eh? You were that restless you didn't know what to do with yourself did you? You want to know what a abrupt severe anxiety attack feels like after not being used to such a feeling anymore until it hits you? Take the six year old's subjectivity(mental set) on Christmas Eve and flip it. Was I that tense and shakey that I could not sleep?... Did it cause the blood to flow faster and faster into my pulsating heart?... It's pretty intense if I stop to think about it, that anxious rush flowing through my body. I was that distressed that I didn't know what to do with myself did I? No, I didn't.

Take the way I got used to living and erase it. Take the 6 year old scenerio and blow it up. Add in regret and sadness when it gets out of control because you're not used to this and you end up with a really flustered, emotional person who may vent to the point of no return with being frustrated with themselves, not knowing how to react or what to do. Equations have different out comes, but my answer is not returning to Paxil. (Not to mention how addictive drugs are).

I came down on myself a few times so hard that I ran to Loch Lomond road and bauled and I've lost numerous hours of sleep. Unfortunately at the time I couldn't tell anyone what was going on because I couldn't even see it for myself and that's the part that sucks the most. So I'm not getting counselling for being a heroine addict, so I've never done recreational drugs, so I wasn't smoking 10 joints a day. A drug's a drug and when you're on it for a period of time, it takes time getting everything back into perspective for yourself.

Is my story too dramatic? Perhaps to some. Do I need to get over it? I did, after having to dig for the last 4 months working with my counselor at school, my doctor, psychology profs at school, talking to other people about their experiences with Paxil, and conducting my own research online and with books. I did this all on my own, FOR me, not for a class. I'm starting at my old high school to talk to the older students about depression as well, on my own time, for them. Not to put down anti-depressants because I cannot generalize something like this. My going in to talk to the students is to help them with feeling better, maybe without a drug. I turn 19 in 13 days, today being November 20, 2004.

I'm not going to deny it now that I've come to accept it; I've repressed my
self-esteem problem over the years. It's like I didn't want to acknowledge
that there was something that could have been fixed before. I tried Paxil
alone starting in the fall of last year, and before that I tried seeing
counselors alone starting in grade seven. I can see how the combination
could be the best(for me).

Two friends from school, Kristiana and Chelsea directly came to me and said
that they think my digging to find answers, to get out and say something
through presentations, and writing these emails is therapeutic. I really
believe in that. Chelsea said she thinks that it will boost my self-esteem,
and Kristie thinks that I'm really brave because she does her own
presentations.

I didn't see how badly my repression was actually effecting me, and I did it
with everything in my life. My level of self-esteem was actually that low
that I repressed anything and everything so that I wouldn't break;
inevitably everything caught up with me. I remember now looking back the
expression "no need to cry over spilled milk"... I've actually done that
before, literally, over spilled milk. Why? I guess I'm just like a few
others I know, highly sensitive. I would internally throw a rage at myself
because I couldn't control it, and that would just make things worse.

With me, anytime that I was nervous, down, or uneasy I would either A) Take
someone out and treat them and I would feel better about myself because I
was making was making someone happy, B) Act silly as a cover up(yes even
loud, and prefered looking like a moron to being sad. One with or without
the other aren't good), C) Write something down, or D) completely say
nothing and walk away. It's not abnormal, I know others that do it. Lots
of people see right through me that I wasn't taking care of Number #1, and
put everyone else ahead of me with anything I would get myself into. My ex
Aaron was the one that really made me see how much I neglected myself.

When I was on Paxil I didn't feel like I was going to cry so suddenly, and
it was rather frustrating without it to stop me from crying. I have a few
doctors that I see now, and they think I shouldn't have come off my
medications. I also have to start seeing an endocrinologist in
March(earliest to get in) to balance out my hormones, so that's something
else hurting me. It's just a big mess, but on the plus side I don't have
hypothyroidism.

Whenever I'd do a painting, I'd be a little down if someone didn't take to
it. Sure, not everyone cares but the reason I do art is because it's my
time to be creative from thinking so much. Sometimes it shows my mood,
other times I just like the picture I see. Either way, I did so much of it
because it became a confidence builder. Hearing comments about a talent
helped me in some ways feel good about myself. To do Art feels annoying now
cause I beat it to death, and I guess the email technique for therapy took
over. Most famous artists became famous because it was their therapy, and
did so much of it. Picasso's "Blue Period" where he did everything in blues
when his wife died, and I believe it was either him or Van Gogh who had
Bipolar disoder. I think that is why I took to effective speaking so much
as well, to help me develop skills to become more confident. I had a thing
with listening to other people, in good ways an in bad. I felt dependent on
words.

I'm a 16-year-old girl. I have been depressed since I was 12 years old. I was diagnosed and put on Paxil in February 1999 (14 years old) to treat my clinical depression. It helped me through the remainder of 8th grade (February 1999-June 1999). Then in September 1999 I started my freshman year of high school. I was okay at first. But after about a month I started getting depressed. Whenever I'd tell my psychiatrist that I was depressed, he would just increase my dosage of Paxil. Soon I was on 30 mg, which is a lot (as far as I know, the most that they're supposed to put you on is 40 mg outpatient).
In January of 2000 I started falling asleep in class. My French teacher called home about it twice. It wasn't a normal in-class sleep ("This is so boring, I'm going to take a nap"). Instead it was a thing where my eyes would roll back into my head and I just couldn't stay awake. I'd try. But...it was impossible. The class I was falling asleep in wasn't that interesting anyway, but I wanted to stay awake so I could pass. Soon I was failing. I couldn't control the sleep...it was terrible. Looking back, I now know that the feeling was kind of a drugged sleep. As they say, hindsight is 20/20.
Another one of my teachers called home. He said I was extremely, extremely irritable in class. I was slacking off in my work. It was a health class - a no-brainer as long as you turn the work in. Well, I wasn't turning the work in. I figured the class was so stupid, so why even bother? I'd get so irritable...and I hardly realized it was happening. I didn't realize how much other people noticed. I thought I was like that because the class was stupid. I didn't realize how extreme my irritability was.
I started falling asleep in my math class, too - that teacher didn't call home, but I knew it was the same kind of sleep that was happening in my French class. I couldn't control it. I was always so fatigued, no matter how much sleep I got at night.
Then there was a big health insurance fiasco. I was still seeing a psychiatrist regularly, but it was a different psychiatrist every time. Nobody saw me two times in a row. I hadn't really made the connection between my symptoms and Paxil yet, so I told the psychiatrists that I felt fine. Then they'd write me a refill of 30 mg of Paxil. I thought I was falling asleep because I was tired and that I was irritable in health class because it was a stupid class.
In March, I realized something was wrong with me. Something was seriously wrong. I stopped and thought about it...I hadn't changed my diet, I hadn't changed my routine, but I felt...wrong. Paxil was the only problem I could think of.
So I decided to quit it, cold turkey. I'd read the literature on it (I've always read all the literature for my medications) and it didn't say anything about an addiction. I figured I didn't have anything to worry about. So, that night, I didn't take my pill.
The next day, I felt great. I was energized. I was happy. I was myself again. I realized that I hadn't been myself for so long...it was like coming home.
But then the next day I felt terrible. Not mentally - physically. In first period I almost puked. And I never puke. I was standing in a huge, dense clump of people for a group yearbook picture and I almost puked on the guy in front of me. Luckily, I held it down. Third period I told my teacher about my medication - I'd already figured out it was withdrawal - and she let me go to the bathroom. I was kneeling in front of the toilet all period, trying not to puke (I absolutely hate puking) but kneeling there just in case.
During passing period, I had to concentrate to just walk in a straight line. And stairs...I had to go down a long flight of stairs and up another. That was terrible. I had to bow my head completely down and watch my feet reach the next step. We were dancing and singing in fourth period. Couple dancing, thank gah. I had a guy to support me.
I couldn't eat. I was so nauseous. I managed to make it through sixth and seventh period, but only barely. That night, I had my mother take me to urgent care at the medical clinic.
Because I was 14, I had to go to the pediatric urgent care doctor. I told him my problem: Paxil withdrawal. There was no other possible cause. The doctor didn't know a thing about Paxil except what I told him (that it's an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety) but could tell that something was wrong and wrote me a note to get out of school for three days. He thought I had the flu or something.
For the next three days, I couldn't walk. I woke up in the morning on the first day, not sure what to do. Since a person can only sleep so long and reading a book just seemed out of the question, I managed to drag myself downstairs (clinging to the railing) and to the computer. I stayed on the internet all day - it was my therapy. I did the same thing for the next three days. I felt so dizzy and weak. And the nausea...I hardly ate anything.
I didn't get the "electric shock" feeling that a lot of people have described. I'm glad I didn't - I would have panicked if I did. All I felt was...well, I could hardly walk. I was dizzy. I was nauseous. I could think pretty clearly, though. I've always been an excellent touch-typist and could operate my hands well. And I could read the computer screen. The internet was what kept me from going crazy from the withdrawal. It was a blessed distraction.
While I was on the internet, I researched Paxil as much as I could. I found a prescription drugs site with message boards. On the Paxil message board they kept talking about "Paxil hell." I was glad that I wasn't alone, though people weren't describing the withdrawal that I was suffering.
The site said that Paxil takes three weeks to get out of your system. I marked the three-week date on my calendar, anxiously waiting.
On the fourth day, I went back to school. I was slowly recovering from the vertigo and nausea. But...it felt like I had a buzzing behind my eyes. I couldn't quite see or hear it, but it was there. And it was like I was looking at the world through a veil. I felt detached. Mentally, I felt okay, though the buzzing and veil feelings annoyed me.
The buzzing and veil withdrawal symptoms lasted for three weeks. Then, almost on the exact day of the end of the three weeks, they ended. I don't know if that was because of the placebo affect, because the site was right, or because I have a very fast metabolism. I was just glad that it was over. I felt so much better.
In June I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I've had a heck of a ride since then, but nothing like the horror of Paxil withdrawal.
I've had some anxiety problems lately and my psychiatrist wanted to put me on Paxil. He was surprised how vehemently I refused. He didn't know about the lawsuit yet. I told him everything I know about it. I hope he doesn't put anyone else on it. I never want to go on it again unless all other options are exhausted.
I feel so lucky that I was able to quit Paxil. Even when I was in the depths of the withdrawal, I still didn't ever consider going back on it. It had put me through too much psychiatric pain.
When I think about my life since I was diagnosed with depression, the single event that stands out the most in my mind is the Paxil withdrawal - even before I found out about GSK lying about it being addictive. I'm so glad that I wasn't imagining the symptoms like the urgent care pediatrician implied. And I hope I can get a piece of the lawsuit. I want something for my pain and suffering.
- Tracie, 16 years old, California

HI, i am 16 years old and for the past 2 years have been going through severe depression i have been in the hospital twice, on the medical ward for over dose I took 30 acenominophen,because I didn't now how to deal, and psychiatric after cutting my wrist and throat, these past years have been horrible, and when my doctor, and shrink mentioned Paxil an anti depressant i thought wow! this may be great with a little help i'll feel like a happy go lucky teen again and return to the girl with the big smile the cheerleader, the person that made everyone smile, that was the biggest lie i ever told myself, although the pill did make it easier for other people to deal with me it was not easy for myself. i hated taking those pills everyday i was on a 30mg dose, and hated, i felt like i was pathetic that i had to depend on a pill for sanity i only wanted to be naturally happy. so last week taking in upon myself i through my paxil in the garbage, and i received THE worst withdrawal symptoms ever, NAUSEA, i still feel like shit i am a zombie, I've wanted to throw up for the past 5 days, i have a lump in my throat that feels it will never go away i can not sleep I'm crooked as hell and its seems that every little noise is in my ears, I can't watch tv because it hurt, unless I stare at something for a long time it feels like I'm going to throw up I can't hear anything and it takes me about 2 minutes before I realize that someone is talking to me I HATE PAXIL. How could they give this to me. Everything pisses me off., and all this because of a stupid blue pill that i have to take in the mornings, i curse on the doctors that said it would help me! i wouldn't recommend paxil to a dog! i wouldn't recommend paxil to the devil, and certainly not to a teenager. sorry so long. *Pissed witch* all the stories that have been shared are wonderful, I am not a good one to tell you how I feel but if I could it would not be nice, for your stupid pill have ruined my life. Don't you feel like a completely normal person when your sitting in the cafeteria eating quite tasty fries and start to cry for no reason, this week I have thought that I have and STD, from not remaining a virgin which I curse myself for, I have thought that I am breaking down, that I was dying, that I was pregnant, that I had the flu, tonsillitis, strap throat, and god I don't know what else, but instead, it was my back stabbing friend PAXIL.

...the little pill we commonly refer to as paxil wakes up each morning and prances around the bottle...."I am here to take you to a place were minds are numb, food is fake and there are no tears! Heck, you wont laugh either. So pop me in your disgusted mouth and swallow me with water! I taste even better with breakfast! "

So you listen to the little pill, and like a robot, you put the pill in your mouth, feel it as it slides down your dry throat and start your Paxil Day! Ah lets see...what situation shall the pill manipulate first? Perhaps going to school with the pill dissolving in your tummy is a grand idea. Then you can sit there with your glazed eyes, monotone voice and sudden desire to participate and enjoy the benefits of 20 mg a day of the Happy Pill....well we know better, dont we?

So one day you wake up, and avoid taking your pills. Suddenly its all so clear...You have become a Paxil Person. And you dont want this. So no more pill popping for this independent human. So, feeling free again, you march off to school, thinking that everything will be ok.

You wake up from a dream in which people are dying, murderers run free, and the people you love hate you. You go to the bathroom but end up on the floor. You feel dizzy. My oh my what could be the cause of this sudden vertigo??? Thinking you might have the flu, you hop back into bed, only to be awakened by another vivid dream. Wondering if perhaps the fact that you quit Paxil might be the reason for this hell, you go online, and sure enough, your Happy Pill has backfired and left you tortured. After reading over the various horror stories suffered by others going through Paxil withdrawal, you march into your bathroom.

Shedding light on the sleeping Paxil Pills, you open the medicine cabinet. Snatching frantically at the bottle, you take two pills. You are safe. In the "safety" of your medication. You sigh, thinking to yourself, "Ah...I am home again."

And this friends, is the vicious cycle of medication. Enjoy!

I'm a 19 year old college student and was put on Paxil when I was 16 to treat my panic attacks. After a couple of weeks the panic attacks did subside. However, I began to notice if I didn't take my medication within a couple hours of the time I did the day before or if I missed a dose altogether, I developed many disturbing symptoms. They became so bad that I had to call off work and stay home from school: it was hard to even lift my head off of the pillow. I felt nauseous, weak, shaky, and my head felt like a ton along with the reoccurring "electrical zaps". Also, my relationships began to go downhill. Everyone was frustrated with me because I simply didn't care anymore. My boyfriend and I broke up, my mom and I fought: everything seemed to be going downhill. When I finally realized that what I was feeling were withdrawal symptoms I called the doctor. When I went in she told me I was having a "breakthrough" in the medication and up'd my dosage. Doctor's know best, right? Wrong! My symptoms became worse. My body needed these drugs. Eventually, after doing my research online and seeing that my assumptions were correct, I decided I was going to get myself out of this hell. I began to cut my pills to lower the dosage and gradually weaned off of it. Again I missed more school and work (which eventually caused me to quit before I was fired for calling off too many days). It wasn't easy, and as I got down to about 5 mg and tried to take less, my body couldn't handle it. I continued with the 5 mg for a couple weeks longer and tried again, with success. I've now been Paxil free for almost a year. :-) For everyone out there currently trying to get off of this drug, don't give up! Be persistent! If your fortunate to have a doctor that's informed of the withdrawal symptoms keep in contact with him/her. Exercise.. it helped me